Need advice..Jazzx!

[riott007]

Jazz

Since I can't go on TMO to post my problem...I'm putting it on here because I know you read this like a thousand times a day looking for haters. Not me though, I <3 yo scott buttocks.


I'm up for a swimming challenge soon and I have to hold my breath under water for like 5.5 minutes. You play the trumpet..do you have any breathing or non breathing exercises you could pass that information to me?

Also, my two female cats won't mate and it's a new generation much more openminded.

Anyway, Help~!

Ps: glad to see you back in full force...jedi force!

[JazzX]

Jazz

Since I can't go on TMO to post my problem...I'm putting it on here because I know you read this like a thousand times a day looking for haters. Not me though, I <3 yo scott buttocks.


I'm up for a swimming challenge soon and I have to hold my breath under water for like 5.5 minutes. You play the trumpet..do you have any breathing or non breathing exercises you could pass that information to me?

Also, my two female cats won't mate and it's a new generation much more openminded.

Anyway, Help~!

Ps: glad to see you back in full force...jedi force!


Dear riott,

Firstly, I don't need to go looking for haters 1000 times a day. This site has successfully sucked off most of my haters from TMO and concentrated them here. That's why I usually steer well clear of off-topic (or "random chatter"/whatever) unless I see someone who's having trouble and needs my advice (as you are about to find out, I'm a minefield of information).

Now to your swimming challenge:

One thing I've found is that the best way of staying underwater for nearly 6 minutes is not to breathe at all.

That's because, during the act of breathing, the mouth opens or the nose sniffs. This could possibly let water into your lungs if you're underwater. That would mean mouth-to-mouth resuscitation would be required when you surfaced, as a lung full of water doesn't have room for any air. Some people even die if their lungs are full of water for too long.

The toughest part of the challenge is that you'll feel the need to breathe more and more as the time goes on. The best way of resisting the urge is to get a friend to help you. Tell them to press your head underwater for the full length of time no matter what. If I have a spare moment, I'll gladly do it myself.


Onto the cats:

:batman: + :batman: does not equal little :batman:

Even though I've no doubt that your two female pussies are the most open minded mogs there are, and would make great parents as a result, it's unfortunate that there's a chromasomal defect in one of them that means they don't have the sexual equipment required to get down to the business of giving you kittens. In fact, nearly 50&#37; of lesbian pussies are born this way. Which is heartbreaking for both when it comes to having a family. Gay Toms are no different, 50% of them have a similar defect which means they can't conceive with their partners.

There are a number of options though - artificial insemination for one or both of your pussies is probably the most desirable. It beats taking any old prowler off the streets; which can lead to diseases, as I'm sure you're aware.

The best thing is that you and your cats will be able to sit down and discuss a brochure full of suitable donors. A reputable feline sperm bank will have a full selection - my advice is to go for the Scottish Wild Cats if there are any, they are rugged survivors that can withstand extremes of temperature, great hunters (for when you take those extended holidays) and they have a good sense of humour. Be aware though, that they are rarely seen outside of their own territory and so are in great demand. It's likely to be expensive. But the look your pussy gives you will confirm that it was worth every cent.

Hope that helps,

JazzX


PS. Full force? Nah - I'm only going to respond to posts where I have good advice for people - and that's what my expertise has hopefully given you on this occasion.

[6hm]

This site has successfully sucked off most of my haters from TMO and concentrated them here. That's why I usually steer well clear of off-topic (or "random chatter"/whatever) unless I see someone who's having trouble and needs my unwanted advice (as you are about to find out, I'm a minefield of useless information).


:sorcerer:
electric!
just
electric!

more advice please!
enlighten me!
be my budha

[riott007]

Jazz...I knew you had a sense of humour...If only you would lighten up more often!!

[Norrie]

Yes Riott, nice to see another side. I found the comment about drowning you:


Tell them to press your head underwater for the full length of time no matter what. If I have a spare moment, I'll gladly do it myself.

particularly amusing!!

[riott007]

yeah! it's not often people go out of their way to help me!

[BudBundysMullet]

If you wanna hold your breath longer you could try wearing a ball gag over your mouth and a clothes pin over your nose, there is a similar method, but it involves deepthroat "The Sam Method".

There is another method, I knew a guy who tied a plastic bag around his head, I haven't see him for a while I wonder what happened to that guy?


Dear riott,

I don't need to go looking for haters 1000 times a day. This site has successfully sucked off most of my haters from TMO and concentrated them here.
Well then, maybe you should try acting nice, it's a wild concept but it works.