The never ending story

[Dulci]

Ok, creative types!

We'll have to fight for the script rights at the end, but perhaps we can try the story chain game here.

Someone (not me!) start a story....the next person to post continues the story in their post...etc, etc.


If you're wondering how many more silly forum games I have, well, sadly, a lot.

[Sparky]

Albert sighed. He'd tried everything he could think of to get the bubblegum out of his hair, but nothing seemed to work. 'That'll teach me to take a nap on a park bench' he remarked as he stared at his reflection in the smeared bathroom mirror...

[rogerSIMIAN]

EDIT: Ignore this. I posted at the same time as Sparky.

[sgporsche48]

Albert sighed. He'd tried everything he could think of to get the bubblegum out of his hair, but nothing seemed to work. 'That'll teach me to take a nap on a park bench' he remarked as he stared at his reflection in the smeared bathroom mirror...



Reaching for the scissors, Albert began to attempt to gently cut the gum out of his hair. Suddenly there came a loud knock at the door, which caused Albert to...

[rogerSIMIAN]

Albert sighed. He'd tried everything he could think of to get the bubblegum out of his hair, but nothing seemed to work. 'That'll teach me to take a nap on a park bench' he remarked as he stared at his reflection in the smeared bathroom mirror...


Reaching for the scissors, Albert began to attempt to gently cut the gum out of his hair. Suddenly there came a loud knock at the door, which caused Albert to...

breathe shallow, stuttering inhalations of air. He had wandered this barren Earth for eighteen or nineteeen months and not once encountered another living creature. And yet, each morning and each night, since arriving at his Mother's abandoned Brooklyn apartment, he was haunted by these persistant knocks at the door. Albert gripped the scissors like a dagger and...

[Dulci]

breathe shallow, stuttering inhalations of air. He had wandered this barren Earth for eighteen or nineteeen months and not once encountered another living creature. And yet, each morning and each night, since arriving at his Mother's abandoned Brooklyn apartment, he was haunted by these persistant knocks at the door. Albert gripped the scissors like a dagger and...

tiptoed to the door. He peered through the peephole and gasped as he saw...

[Del]

tiptoed to the door. He peered through the peephole and gasped as he saw...

...his own face staring coldly right back at him. He jerked his head back in fear, but remembered that one could only see through the peephole in one direction. Hesitantly he pressed his face against the door once again and squinted through the peephole.
He blinked, confused, as he saw absolutely nothing. But then, at that moment he was startled by a strange noise coming from...

[Kit06]

The garage, a low humming sound came from the archway to his garage, he went towards the sound but soon he realised...

[BiggsTrek]

...that he was naked!

Albert shugged, "What the heck, I'm probably just imaging there's someone else out there anyway."

So he strutted his stuff and walked boldy (and nakedly) down to the garage. But what he found down there caused a nasty shiver to run down his spine.

It was...

[Roger]

.....an eerie noise caused by a loose bracket on the generator that he had somehow managed to get working. This had given him a chance to watch the home diary his mother had made in the last days before the disaster came.

The last entry had been startling for him, especially when he saw his mother saying........

[Dulci]

.....an eerie noise caused by a loose bracket on the generator that he had somehow managed to get working. This had given him a chance to watch the home diary his mother had made in the last days before the disaster came.

The last entry had been startling for him, especially when he saw his mother saying........

That she had narrowed down who his real father was. It was either the drunken bartender across the street who always reminded him of Moe's from the Simpsons, or the alien who had abducted her.

[Norrie]

Who, strangely enough, also looked like Moe.

Mother's strange Simpons' obsession became clearer with every page.

[Roger]

Albert was feeling desperately lonely, and missed his family so much. Was he really the only person on the planet?

His question was about to be answered when......

[Elbow]

Roger
His question was about to be answered when...


He stumbled over something. As he caught himself, a voice came from near his feet.

[BiggsTrek]

"I am your father!" But he quickly realised that the TV was playing Star Wars again, so he gave it a quick kick and shuffled past it to the kitchen.

The TV sputtered, and The Simpsons came on... it was the "Flaming Moes" episode.

[Norrie]

Albert wondered why the TV kept playing old Simpsons episodes.
Then he realised he was watching Fox News, and they were unaccustomed to reporting the truth.

He changed the channel to...

[sgporsche48]

Albert wondered why the TV kept playing old Simpsons episodes.
Then he realised he was watching Fox News, and they were unaccustomed to reporting the truth.

He changed the channel to...


...find only old episodes of The Simpsons playing, all of which seemed to have Moe as a central character to the story. Deeply disturbed, Albert switched off the TV. In the darkened glass he saw the reflection of...

[Jase180]

...find only old episodes of The Simpsons playing, all of which seemed to have Moe as a central character to the story. Deeply disturbed, Albert switched off the TV. In the darkened glass he saw the reflection of...

himself in the mirror...another daydream in the waking hours had once again manifested itself.

He reached for a glass of water and went to fetch a book, after all, reading was he really cared about. The silence in the apartment was broken by a strange and curious sound coming from outside. As he peered out the window he..

[Kit06]

realised that people were looking at him, some of them were looking in awe, and others were chuckling. Of course Albert was embarrassed and angry with those who were laughing at him so he charged out of his front door, shouting...

[Roger]

"Please leave me alone! I never wanted to be famous! I just wanted to......

[sgporsche48]

"Please leave me alone! I never wanted to be famous! I just wanted to......

..." and then Albert stopped, realizing that he lived on the 8th floor and that there was no way people could possibly be looking in to his apartment. Quickly regaining his composure, whatever was left of it, Albert walked back into his apartment, where he...

[BiggsTrek]

...finally got dressed.

A few minutes later, he realised he was no longer the sole occupant of the planet! (He was never very bright.) In joyous rapture, he fled downstairs and out into the street, where the eager crowd suddenly, and without provocation...

[Dulci]

...finally got dressed.

A few minutes later, he realised he was no longer the sole occupant of the planet! (He was never very bright.) In joyous rapture, he fled downstairs and out into the street, where the eager crowd suddenly, and without provocation...

Stripped him of his clothes and carried him to the town hall. Waiting for him was...

[Kit06]

A bald man with thick glasses and a fisherman's hat. The man said, 'Albert I am your farther.' There was an arkward silence but then Albert said...

[Elbow]

You mean I am Albert, yes the man interrupted, you are Albert of Finny. And that man over there? He is his the Mayor of this realm,
Kennith of Te-mu.

[BiggsTrek]

You mean I am Albert, yes the man interrupted, you are Albert of Finny. And that man over there? He is his the Mayor of this realm,
Kennith of Te-mu.

Albert struggled to comprehend the implications of this latest development. He also struggled with big words.

"No, no, this is wrong," he complained bitterly. "I thought for sure a gorgeous redhead with a sexy tattoo on her shoulder was going to seduce me and make all my dreams come true."

And as if by magic, the girl of his dreams appeared before him, her green eyes alive with an inner fire that made his heart to skip. When she spoke, it was like hot velvet (whatever that is).

She said...

[Dulci]

Albert struggled to comprehend the implications of this latest development. He also struggled with big words.

"No, no, this is wrong," he complained bitterly. "I thought for sure a gorgeous redhead with a sexy tattoo on her shoulder was going to seduce me and make all my dreams come true."

And as if by magic, the girl of his dreams appeared before him, her green eyes alive with an inner fire that made his heart to skip. When she spoke, it was like hot velvet (whatever that is).

She said...


"Hiya sport. Do y'all want fries with that deepfried snickers bar?" She grinned at him widely and he saw she was missing 3 teeth and the remaining ones were deeply tinted yellow.

He took a step back.

"What's wrong honey?", she asked.

"I....uh....errr...."

The Moe look-alike who claimed to be his father stepped forward and said, "Son, we have arranged a wedding for the 2 of you this evening at 6pm. We just knew the two of you were going to hit it off."

Albert stammered.

[Elbow]

Dulci
The Moe look-alike who claimed to be his father stepped forward and said, "Son, we have arranged a wedding for the 2 of you this evening at 6pm. We just knew the two of you were going to hit it off."

Albert stammered.


Ba Ba Baby, this is sweet. I can't wait for night to fall and you, ba ba baby to fall into my arms. Albert spoke as his turned to his father. Is it getting warm in here?

[rogerSIMIAN]

Ba Ba Baby, this is sweet. I can't wait for night to fall and you, ba ba baby to fall into my arms. Albert spoke as his turned to his father. Is it getting warm in here?

...he said as a glow of golden-white illuminated the room and a solid square of flooring became liquid and melted to nothingness leaving only a black void. A figure rose up from the void like Aphrodite from the Sea, flicked peroxide-blonde hair from her eyes and curled her cherry lips into a Sid Vicious snarl. In one hand she clutched a Glock 17L pistol; in the other, the severed and bloody head of a large rabbit. There was something about this astonishing woman which reminded Albert of the illustrations he'd seen in a book as a child.

"What are you freaking looking at?" barked the woman as she hurled the rabbithead towards Albert and checked the time on an old fashioned fob-watch which dangled from a chain attached to her Patti Smith t-shirt. "Miss Alice! Miss Alice! I'm late for a very important date," shrieked the rabbithead, as...

[hippieking]

The simpsons played the one where Moe commits suicide on christmas...or something like that. Then he quickly ran to a boat where he saw Frankenstein. "Frankenstien?" Albert said. "Yes its me what the hell do you want, I need to keep my status low. I hate it when they make those movies about me." Frankenstein replied. "Okay" Albert replied. "All I need you to do is..

[BiggsTrek]

The simpsons played the one where Moe commits suicide on christmas...or something like that. Then he quickly ran to a boat where he saw Frankenstein. "Frankenstien?" Albert said. "Yes its me what the hell do you want, I need to keep my status low. I hate it when they make those movies about me." Frankenstein replied. "Okay" Albert replied. "All I need you to do is..

"...wake up."

Albert snored. Snored so loud he woke himself up. "Oh thank heavens for that," he said aloud.

Slowly and cautiously, he rolled out of bed. It was Monday again, his weekend lost to a fevered dream about The Simpsons, Frankenstein's monster, Alice In Wonderland and naked fantasies.

Just like last week. "I really shouldn't eat before bed," he thought.

Looking at the clock at his bedside, he realized he was late for work. Forgoing his usual shower, he slipped on yesterday's clothes and headed out the door.

As he walked up the street he realized he couldn't see his car. So he pulled the keys from his pocket, flicked the car alarm button and heard the distinct sound of his car horn coming from a very unusual place...

[rogerSIMIAN]

"...wake up."

Albert snored. Snored so loud he woke himself up. "Oh thank heavens for that," he said aloud.

Slowly and cautiously, he rolled out of bed. It was Monday again, his weekend lost to a fevered dream about The Simpsons, Frankenstein's monster, Alice In Wonderland and naked fantasies.

Just like last week. "I really shouldn't eat before bed," he thought.

Looking at the clock at his bedside, he realized he was late for work. Forgoing his usual shower, he slipped on yesterday's clothes and headed out the door.

As he walked up the street he realized he couldn't see his car. So he pulled the keys from his pocket, flicked the car alarm button and heard the distinct sound of his car horn coming from a very unusual place...

Lying right in the middle of the sidewalk was a disembodied rabbithead. The rabbithead opened its melancholy eyes and beeped at Albert in a most unusual fashion.

"What are you fricking looking at?" said a familiar voice behind Albert. He turned just as his own car drove up beside him. He was horrified to discover his Ride had been Pimped: 1 large fluffy dice dangled before his eyes and there, in bold pink lettering across the windshield, was stencilled the words "ALBERT" and "ALICE".

"Wh... what do you want from me?" he said as that rather annoying peroxide-blonde lady from his dream...



(Heehee. Sorry - rS)

:euro:

[Dulci]

As he stood there dumbfounded, a suspcious duo entered the bank across the street. The two men were wearing cowboy boots with pink frilly dresses. Albert found himself oddly attracted to them.

Suddenly gun shots were heard and the two men ran out of the building clutching suspicious bags that seems to contain lumps in the shape of....

[BiggsTrek]

As he stood there dumbfounded, a suspcious duo entered the bank across the street. The two men were wearing cowboy boots with pink frilly dresses. Albert found himself oddly attracted to them.

Suddenly gun shots were heard and the two men ran out of the building clutching suspicious bags that seems to contain lumps in the shape of....

...Ginger bread cookies! Yes ladies and gentlemen, it was the famous Gingerbread Man heist! (Well, it will be famous one day. *Wind forward 10 years* "Gingerbread wha...?" *Wind back 10 years* OK, maybe not.)

Albert neglected the carnage about about him and followed the two poorly dressed criminals to their getaway van. It was a big green one, with "Mystery Machine" painted on the side. The driver, dressed in a dog suit and not very convincingly at that, beckoned the two criminals to run faster.

As they jumped in the van, Albert leaped in after them and said...

[Elbow]

Biggs
"As they jumped in the van, Albert leaped in after them and said..."

"...I dropped my wallet!"

Fetch, the driver, swerved the van in to the first ally he saw, slamming on the brakes. Everyone in the green machine rolled around like marbles in a tin can as Fetch shouted...

[6hm]

"everybody hold on i gotta take a massive steaming dump and it cant wait"

Albert, who was always the jumpy sort retorted "if you had gotten that colon cleansing as i had suggested you wouldnt be making those noises you know...we're going to be found out, especially if they have dogs.. you know they have a strong sence of smell, not that you'd need it in this case..my god! you must change you diet"

as the grueling ten minute battle of man vs nature continued so did Alberts worry over his lost wallet "i know if somebody finds it before we get back to it theres going to be mysterious rentals from Blockbuster video again... it's embarrasing when they call and say something like hey, deadbeat why didnt you return biodome 2 and all those steven segal movies" to which i have to pretend i dont like straight to video movies...

"Ahhh!" gleefully groaned the guy in the dog costume, which looked like a cross breed of a schnauser and a cockerspaniel. Now, all fresh and walking like the king of England (henry VIII most likely) ( and if that king was just fucked up the ass)

"ready yet?" Albert whispered
"why are we whispering?" said dog man
"we are on the run" stated albert
"oh yeah" so why are we hanging out in the most obvious alley" dog man retorted
"well at least the dread of human flesh behind this porno theatre might not seem unnormal...except..." muttered Albert
"except what?" questioned dog man
"why the fuck did you get a bright green get away van" enquired Albert
"i't's my uncle's van and he needs it back.. so dont touch the radio stations" reminded dogman
"but i hate alanis morisette" proclaimed Albert
"fuck you dude... that ironic song was cool" said dog man
"and ironic" added Albert
"not really" dog man snapped back
"heh, yeah...stupid bitch" said Albert

A faint siren is heard in the distance

one of the memebers sitting patiently in the van then says" guys, i think we should go"


after a democratic process where they all showed hands to see if it was a unimous decision to get going. which it was by an over whelming 88.7% as was pie charted by Ross Perot who just happened to be in the alley of the porno theatre resting up after a marathon session of 25cent peep shows.

all get back into the van only to find out that dog man can no longer sit comfortably as the massive dump he took has ruptured his sphincter.

"shit, we're fucked now" the group say in unison... nobody else can drive.

Ross Perot zips up and says "throw three phone books on the front seat i'm gonna drive this puppy"


dogman gets down on the floor to operate the gas and brake as Ross's dwarfish feet, while cute in their little baby booties do not reach the pedals

with that ross arragantly changes the radio station to jesus lovin metal, slams the shifter into neutral, puts on his belt, advices everyone else to do the same, shifts into reverse, turns and looks back "yippe ki yo... we're going to......





ps..if this doesnt make any sense its because i've only read the 3 post above this one..and i'm drunk :)

[Elbow]

6hm
with that ross arrogantly changes the radio station to jesus lovin metal, slams the shifter into neutral, puts on his belt, advices everyone else to do the same, shifts into reverse, turns and looks back "yippee ki yo... we're going to......

...The I-Hop for some waffles. Across town, a vagrant named, William Jefferson Blithe the third, known to his friends as "Hanging Willy", for his unseemly routine of exposing himself any time the Brazilian's won a soccer match, noticed the bag that the Ginger crew left behind. Looking inside...

[wackyal3000]

...he found a mysterious note and a map. William immediatly followed the map to the sunny seaside town of Eastbourne in England which the note had told him would lead him to 'the man'. Driving down the highstreet eating fish and chips William saw...

[hippieking]

...he found a mysterious note and a map. William immediatly followed the map to the sunny seaside town of Eastbourne in England which the note had told him would lead him to 'the man'. Driving down the highstreet eating fish and chips William saw...

THE MILKY PIRATE! :sailor:
"God this is random" siad William.
"Beware!!!" said THE MILKY PIRATE.
"Of What?"
"The Monkey Princess!"
"The what."
"The monkey princess, the person who..." Right before THE MILKY PIRATE could finish a flying monkey (like in the wizzard of oz) ate him.
Then William turned and saw a hundred...

[Elbow]

Hippieking
"Then William turned and saw a hundred..."

...dollar bill dancing by in the wind. Chasing it was like trying to tie your shoe while on the run, but Will had no intention of allowing that bill to get away from him. Grabbing at it, like grabbing at a fly in mid flight, Will...

[FredTheDuck]

...dollar bill dancing by in the wind. Chasing it was like trying to tie your shoe while on the run, but Will had no intention of allowing that bill to get away from him. Grabbing at it, like grabbing at a fly in mid flight, Will...
Tripped over a random tank (:tank:), flying head over heels forwards, and somehow managing to swallow the $100 bill, and when he landed, tried to vomit it up... but it was no use.

So, he went to get a stomach pump, which, luckily, cost less than the bill itself. However, when he entered the "Superbly Super-Tasty Stomach Pump of Doom Clinic", he found that the person giving him the stomach pump was...

[Elbow]

However, when he entered the "Superbly Super-Tasty Stomach Pump of Doom Clinic", he found that the person giving him the stomach pump was...


...Dr Eddie. Quack, quack. Between Gastric irrigation procedures and eye replacement surgery, Dr. Solomon Eddie also enjoys
long walks while watching the sun rise. One day, while on a morning walk, Dr. Eddie heard the sound of...


http://img293.imageshack.us/img293/8234/pstormareyc9.jpg

[Killian]

...multitudes of chattering squirrels as he passed his local park. Being of a somewhat gentle persuasion, he carried a bag of nuts with him every day, for just this purpose. However, on this particular day was to happen the event that would change his life forever.

Entering the park, he was perturbed as the chattering stopped, and even more so when he realised that the areas entire population of small, furry animals was watching him with something akin to hatred. Puzzled, he stepped forward...

And was enveloped in a whirwind of bushy tails, tiny razor sharp claws and whickering teeth... soon, the paper bag was empty, and the hungry rodents started on his other nuts...

Dr Eddie snapped back to reality with a start. He had a patient... a patient with a long hose stuck right up his...

[FredTheDuck]

He had a patient... a patient with a long hose stuck right up his......left nostril, which actually came out of his ear. Seeing no other way to approach the problem, he simply pulled, and the hose came out quite easily although it brought with it...

[BiggsTrek]

...left nostril, which actually came out of his ear. Seeing no other way to approach the problem, he simply pulled, and the hose came out quite easily although it brought with it...

...a feeling of remorse, as of lost love. He sighed, put down his equipment and summoned Miss Delaware, his receptionist and assistant.

They looked at each other longingly, their eyes undressing each other in a way that would have shocked a PG audience. Finally they gave in to their pent up desires, Miss Delaware leaping into the Doctor's arms, her legs wrapping about his waist.

Heaving breasts smothered his face as the Doctor walked them over the unconscious patient and they fell upon him, their clothes falling off them like autumn leaves.

Miss Delaware pulled back and screamed, "Take me, take me NOW!"

:18:

[Elbow]

Biggs
Miss Delaware pulled back and screamed, "Take me, take me NOW!"...


...Miss Delaware, aka Galen Giaccone, had a power over men. Call it her youth, call it her smile, perhaps it was the tiara, like her American Express card, that she never left home without that drew men to submit to her every want. No matter to source, her power was indisputable and she knew how to use it.

In the throws of passion...

[Killian]

In the throws of passion...

...she rolled across William's groin, causing him to wince uncontrollably and cry out in a loud, pain filled voice...

"Bugger this for a game of soldiers!"

Appalled at what their uncontrollable hormones had wrought on the poor, defenceless patient, Dr Eddie and Miss Delaware rapidly composed themselves, as William disentangled himself from the cat's cradle of wires, tubes and bleeping things.

William coughed politely, raising his eyebrows and nodding quickly in the direction of Grace's ample bosom which, having been stuffed rapidly and with no particular attention back inside her 2 sizes too small top, was in imminent danger of spilling out all over the place again.

She smiled laviciously at him, tweaking her buttons with practised fingers and in seconds had her charms back under tight leash.

In the meanwhile William, to his pleased surprise, found the bill lying on the floor at his feet. It would seem that the groinal pressure had been enough to loosen the greenback from where it was lodged, and the gentlemanly cough had been just enough to bring it back into the light of day.

"Great!" he enthused, bending down to grab the aforementioned dosh...

"Not so fast!" came the rough edged voice of...

[Elbow]

"Not so fast!" came the rough edged voice of...


...Albert. His voice had a determination to it while his body language told a different story. Staring at the floor with the toes of his worn shoes touching each other, his hands clasped together and a blush on his cheeks, Albert blurted out. "I don't mean to interrupt or anything, but I've been trying to get this gum out of my hair now for 5 pages of dialog and scene descriptions. Can you please help me?"

[Killian]

...The bizarre tableau lasted for a few timeless moments, before Dr Eddie's face broke into a feverish grin.

"Why, of course!" he crowed, his expansive hand gesture of welcome sweeping back and knocking William bill-over-backside into the medical waste bin. Miss Delaware batted her enormous eyelashes as best she could, eyeing Albert like a mongoose eyes a snake.

Ignoring the anguished groans of the stricken man behind him (the fall had caused him to swallow the bill once again, which was now lodged firmly in his windpipe and causing him some distress; not only this, but his gluteus maximus now looked like a pincushion, festooned with hyperdermics), Dr Eddie steered Albert to the waiting chair. With a practised motion, he flipped him into it; a snap of his foot and it slipped straight into a horizontal position, which made Albert somewhat perturbed.

The look of abject horror on his face grew, as Dr Eddie turned to the tray of instruments beside him and swung back, clutching an enormous....

[Elbow]

The look of abject horror on his face grew, as Dr Eddie turned to the tray of instruments beside him and swung back, clutching an enormous....

1940's style microphone. A loud click, two quick puffs into the perforated steal. Edward?, Dr. Solomon Eddie spoke, causing an ear piercing echoic in the high ceilinged room. Edward, please come to the examination room. The instruments dancing on their tray as the Dr. beckoned this new character to our story.

Within moments, an uncommonly gentle looking young man, who happened to have scissors for hands entered.

The pale, wispy haired figure stood there in his tight, leather body suite, drawing what would normally be fingers together making the unmistakable sound of metal rubbing against metal.

Looking at Albert, then Solomon, then Albert, Edward...